Coke Zero is a newer diet option formulated to taste similar to original Coke, with the presence of a mild artificial sweetener flavor that is more recognizable to those who are sensitive to the taste. Diet Coke, on the other hand, was created decades before they had decent sweeteners. While it still has a sizable following of people who like it, Diet Coke tastes nothing like original Coke, and has a flavor more akin to the smell of hot plastic.

This is pretty consistent across all brands now, at least from those that I’ve tried so far. The new Zero versions are much, much closer to the original formulas.

My pregnant wife asked me to get her a fountain Coke Zero from Costco the other day… I paid for the thing and waited patiently for my empty cup. When I approached the dispenser, I found that all three Coke Zeros were out of order. I had no choice but to fill it with Diet Coke. It was the lowest Costco experience of our lives.

Not to mention they’re the two most nostalgic seasons, by a landslide. At least in regions that experience four seasons. There is nothing quite like the quiet promise of Spring after a long winter. One day you step out and warm sunshine is making your roof drip, and grass begins to show through the thinning snow. Familiar birds return and you spot the year’s first vegetation poking up through the soil. You can smell the Earth again. You’re flooded with memories of being a kid during the same months, lying out in the yard feeling that warm breeze blowing in.

Summer creeps up and slowly wears you the fuck out. Most of the flowers dry up and the grass gets scorched. Everything looks like shit, and right when you get tired of it all and want to throw yourself off a bridge, you notice the leaves turning yellow at an alarming rate. Nights grow cold, mushrooms pop up, and you remember how pleasant brittle leaves sound rattling along the street. Things get real damp and take on that nutty smell of decay. Some primal part of you gets real amped up for the harvest.

Halloween night brings with it the last echo of life, then the world grows quiet and dead. The frosts come and snow falls. Christmas is real cozy, and then a month later you’re eyeballing that bridge again. Doesn’t seem so high. Might be nice to throw yourself off it every now and again. Maybe this is will be the year…

Then one particularly warm afternoon you hear the trill of a robin.

For years now whenever I submit bookings for potted plants/floral at work, there is an entry down toward the very bottom that reads “Flowering Planter 7in Ass” and it gets me every time.

Carbon nanotubes are real? I thought that shit was invented for upgrades and repairs in No Man’s Sky…

How are all these fucking idiots still confused that disliking the Israeli government has fuck all to do with disliking Jews? Do they know this, and just choose to make it about something more?

Timmy, go to your fuckin room…

I love Beyond Meat products, but lab grown still freaks me out a little. It’s hard to articulate, but I don’t know that I could eat it without imagining some kind of wet, pulsating mass of slimy flesh sitting in a bin of some sort in a lab, with tubes and wires hooked up all over it. I know damn well that’s not what it is, but the image is there. I hope I get over it.

I’d rather just give up meat entirely and stick to plant-based alternatives.

I worry about those who are thicker than 7 inches. That might cause some Cloverfield Paradox shit, where your innards wind up fuzed with a door. Skinny folks only.

I feel like the days of pearl clutching over profanity are on their way out. There is always a time and a place for it, but I grew up hearing “fuck” come out of my drunken relatives every other word. My parents didn’t say it, and they didn’t let me say it, but the only real weight the word ever had was that it was cool and exclusive to adults.

One of the biggest culture shocks I had when moving from the US to Canada was how much more laid back everyone is up here over profanity in general. Almost everyone uses it, very few people (save for maybe the elderly) get uppity when they hear it, and I’ve heard it used freely on FM radio many times. I still think it’s trashy to fly a FUCK TRUDEAU flag or decal on your car for everyone to see, but nobodies up here clutching pearls. They just think you’re a dick.

Not sure why it’s still such a big deal in many parts of the US.

Wow, I better stop jerking it to Jasmine. 🤷

No! No, man! Shit no, man! I believe you’d get yer ass kicked rockin’ somethin like that, man…

Had to fucking deal with Rabbit every day.

All I’m thinking about now is a bird perching on a line with a constant stream of explosive diarrhea, and it’s one of the funniest images I’ve ever conceived.

(apparently my brain forgot the “visit” part of the meme and I typed this up thinking that it was about moving here)

It was difficult to get into Canada when I immigrated ten years ago (it was deeply complicated even as a sponsored individual), and I hear it’s even more difficult now. It’s a shame, because I know that the idea of escaping to Canada is a hopeful thing for many Americans. I was extremely fortunate. However, the housing shortage alone and a general anti-American sentiment has cast a huge shadow on new entries. Canadians remain as friendly as ever, but trust between them and Americans is also at an all-time low. People at work know I’m American and they love hearing my take on everything, but I don’t spread that information to new ears anymore.

I suppose it might be cool for Canada to do a 2-for-1 swap, where they send Texas pairs of whiny, privileged conservatives in exchange for good, left-leaning Americans who actually want to be here.

Thank you for your furvice! 🫡🦅🛢️

Every time I see this pop up, I’m reminded of this chair I saw once at my old place of employment.

Butterbean origin story.

The ol’ bat in the mouth trick gets me every time.